Friday, September 3, 2010

Super Poopers!!

This post is a result of utter frustration (The reason..I will discuss below and Blogophobia). Perhaps your not familiar with the term "blogaphobia"... it's that feeling when you haven't posted for a while, so there's all this stress built up around whatever it is that you post next... so you continue not to post because you want "just" the right post... and then it's weeks later and you realize that you just have to post something lame and suck it up……..


Last year a friend of mine had invited me for a Duck hunting trip. Being an animal lover myself.. I had denied this lucrative but insanely outrageous mode of fun! …That was last year….
Just a few days back I called him up, and asked if he was planning the same this year! Unfortunately his sudden flair of wisdom denied me that pleasure of hunting birds ….which I so much wanted this year ☹ ….. JUST AS REVENGE!!!!!

READ ON ....

It all started on the day I got my shining new car and parked it with extra love and care in the designated parking in my apartment. The next morning… a beautiful day of summer … I went out to the parking and almost got a heart attack!! – “Fuck, no!!!!!!!!!!!!” . Bird crap covering the hood. Bird crap down the driver's side window. Bird crap down the passenger's side back window. And the piece de resistance- bird shit right in the middle of my rear window!!!!! All of this in just about 12 hours! What did these birds do, decide to play "Ring Around Souro’s Car"? Did he/she/they pause in between craps just to switch sides? Or maybe there were four of them shitting in unison - perhaps they'd been playing Musical Chairs!!!!! “Fucking flying creatures!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Whatever they were doing, it meant I had to spend half of the morning cleaning my car!

.. So that was the beginning!!! … The relentless attacks and destructive missiles…kept coming from nowhere!!! … I changed my parking spot from below a tree to an open spot … no results! And not only that- it seemed there were some birds trained by the Mossad… coz they made sure that they track me down even at my University parking lot and unleash their furious wrath and “heavy load” !!!
I had always thought that the birds are equal opportunity poopers. BUT I was amazed to find that all the cars surrounding mine were mostly left untouched!!.... If I were in Australia, I could have easily called it a racial attack!

Things have been going the same way for quite sometime…. Until the day before yesterday.. when “they” probably thought about Hitler’s “Final Solution!!”: I had just washed and waxed my car the day before. The next morning I went out and the first thing I discovered was something that looked nothing like bird poop!!!!!!! And at first I wondered if my car had been vandalized!! … My car wasn't just splattered by wayward poop released by a few passing scoundrels!!!!!!.... The entire hood was almost completely covered!! Although the back had a few splatters, it wasn't nearly as bad as the front. It looked like it was covered in vomit or something equally as disgusting!! And to add to that …… as disgusting as it sounds, the spots looked more like leftover chili that had been ground in a blender, with some black pepper and white mayonnaise and randomly splattered on my car!!

The more I thought about the spots on my car, the more I wondered if it had been vandalized. Even though I never went out of my way to examine bird poop, this didn't look like any bird droppings I'd ever seen!!! I hoped it was caused by birds and not an unhappy neighbor who didn't appreciate the blaring Iron Maiden Songs that emanated from my apartment the night before !!!!!!!!
So, I decided to examine the ground to figure out if the splatters I found on my car were bird crap or if my car had been actually vandalized. After investigating the crime scene and the surrounding area (which included the dumpster) I found the same splatters around the dumpster, on the top of the fence that surrounded it, and everywhere beneath the tree. I also noticed another tree of the same type on the other side of the complex, and I examined the ground in that area as well. It was also covered in droppings!! SO, was then .. I was sure that my car had not been vandalized - at least not by humans!! It had in fact been hit with hundreds of bird poop bombs. What a fucking relief!!!!!

Buddhists say things like Wise people know that everything they achieve or fail at in life are only consequences of their own actions and thoughts. But I disagree… I never tried to shit on a bird or throw shit balls at them!!! Somehow birds know when you get a new car. Then they tell their friends “A new bitch in town.. lets POTTY!!!!”!!!! . And then the whole flock of ‘em come and poops all over your car. And some wait until you wash & wax your car real good to drop the load on it!!!!!!

I'm trying to figure out revenge on the little fuckers (hence that hunting trip!!). I'm thinking a bird-only-hearing-range car alarm - one that alternates meowing with ear-splitting beeps (maybe eBay will have one!!). I've had several near misses with birds and turkeys! - If it wouldn't wreck my car, and if I weren't such a damn bleeding-heart, I'd consider not missing next time..

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Copa de la Vida ...

Disclaimer: Chatu Da , this is not plagiarism ... as we discussed :)

I still remember (though vaguely) the day Roberto Baggio missed that precious penalty kick allowing the ball to fly over the Brazilian goal by over 1000 yards (exaggeration). It was the final of the 1994 FIFA World Cup and I was with a bunch of my family members enjoying the game at Kolkata (then Calcutta). It was a special occasion for the family too as my aunt was getting married the very next day! I still remember, we had clearly demarcated sitting areas in the room at my GrandaPa's house for the "opposing fans"!! Because of the marriage, a lot of the family had come from different places and it was grand re-union after a long time !! As of me, I was in a state of utter confusion about whom to support ! While the delicious Bourbon biscuits, Chocobar ice creams, roadside fuchkas, candy floss, and Hot Wheel cars came from the "Italian part" of the family ... The "Brazilian section" had HotWheel cars, Toy Guns, protection from mom-dads legitimate scoldings, Rashogolla ( a sweet) and Sandesh (another sweet) among their services!!!!! ..... And to tell you the truth, I still dont remember which side I chose!! But all I remember was the sheer fun of watching my uncles, aunts, cousins, more uncles , more aunts, more cousins .... everyone .. going crazy over a single white Ball!!!!
That probably is the oldest and the sweetest memory of the FIFA World Cup that I have......

When you look back you can almost define the different stages of your life from the different World Cup soccers! Since the 1994 Cup, every single World Cup has been associated with some very cherished memories for me. And every single cup has been a totally new way of entertainment! I remember spending the summer of 1998 in Durgapur, watching the Cup with Dad and some of his and my friends. The Korea -Japan World Cup in 2002 was also spent in Durgapur- following the Cup with my school friends. While the 2006 edition was spent at Gurgaon (my last few months in MS) .... and that was probably the first time when the Soccer + Alcohol combination started :) :)

Although India is a cricket dominated nation, football is almost equally followed.... atleast in the part of the country from where I come from. And specially in this part almost everyone will tell you "proudly" how India had qualified for the 1950 world cup, but couldn't play due to the lack of boots !!! "If they had played , may be they could have been the champions defeating Uruguay!!!!" ... BUT after many years I came to know that India was qualified by default as a result of the withdrawal of all of their scheduled opponents. However, the governing body AIFF decided against going to the World Cup, being unable to understand the importance of the event at that time. The boot story was just another great Indian bureaucratic bull-shit. ... Despite this piece of information being quite well know now, we still are crazy about the World Cups atleast !!!... So whenever there is a world cup soccer, we support "our teams" !!!!!!!

So the question is how do we decide which team to support?? .... And before I tell you what made me support Germany, I will tell you some of the varied reasons why we select a specific team to root for : ... Over the years I have heard reasons that range from .. The style of football to the style statement of a specific player (am not being a sexist .. but thats mostly for girls), from the color of the Jersey to a good friend settled / working in that country, from an ex-great footballer to some great singer/actor in that country, from delicious cuisine to pretty ladies (and that mostly came from guys) !!!!!!!!!!!!
.. So what made me support Germany ? ... As far as my poor memory allows - both me and my brother started supporting Germany from the very day we started following World Cups seriously! .. Back in those days, there used to be a Chewing Gum brand (I dont remember the name) which would give you a photo card of a soccer player with every gum that you buy. AND LET ME TELL U ... IT WAS A VERY BIG THING .. back then! People (read friends) would exchange cards all the time with sheer corporate planning ... there would be bets on cards .. and even school soccer matches would end with a card exchange (always in favor of the winning team)!!!! Someone who possessed the max number of Maradona cards, was the unsaid ruler!!! Similarly someone who possessed cards for all the playing 11 from a big team like Brazil, Argentina, Germany, Italy etc was considered very powerful!
....... So back in those days of card collection, we came across 2 cards of these 2 German players named J├╝rgen Klinsmann and Lothar Matthaus (Yeah thats the spelling). I still remember the pictures had an awe-inspiring effect on us!!!! ... Firstly Matthaus had an uncanny resemblance with Arnold Schwarzenegger (remember it was the Commando and Terminator era!!!), while Klinsmann's picture had something in it which evoked sympathy + we liked his jersey too !!!!!!!!!!!! That was it !!! ... we had got our team and so started the cheering .... which have lasted over the years and is present even today !!!!! Although the reasons have changed ..... while it started with the resemblance to a film star and the jersey + sympathy factor ..... more reasons were added in the following years ...the style of german football being the biggest. And then after many years the "cute chicks" factor was added to the list recently.
( I searched the internet for hours to find that picture which I strongly believe (as far as I can remember) were there in those cards ..... and I have uploaded those in this blog).

... Every year after the Cup is over, there is a feeling of emptiness and a little sadness. The idea that this is going to be back again after 4 years is kind of depressing. Specially if you enjoy it to the fullest with a whole bunch of people (as I have done in every World Cup including this one), then once its all over you tend to miss that bonhomie. When I look back to the previous world cups, I remember some faces , which are associated with the individual tournaments that suddenly flashes every 4 years!! People whom you remember only when you think about a particular world cup and how you had enjoyed it! ........

So ladies and gentlemen, dont miss this chance to join with others and go crazy for "your team" !!!... Remember its every 4 years... so manage your work, bf, gf, chats, chores, food, dinner, lunch etc etc .... and enjoy the game ... and SUPPORT GERMANY !! :)

.. Wishing you all a very memorable World Cup ... may you all make new friends .. whom you will eventually forget for the next 4 years ... until the next edition in Brazil ..

Copa de la Vida ... means ... The Cup of Life ....