Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Year That WASN’T

Before You read : This is crap, complete crap... Although some parts are not e.g the first para (err! a part of it). It is not meant to hurt or demean anyone. In case u are hurt .. pls dont let me know. And finally - after I finished this .. I realize that its boring, but please if possible.. hang on till the end. Lastly ... pls do read the definition of my blog above .. if you are a first timer here .
This is the Year that wasn't....

I didn’t get drunk at the beginning of 2008. On Jan 1st, 2008, 12:01 am, I was with my parents at Kolkata. A peaceful beginning.. Isn’t it? But despite the delicious food … the jobless and hence tension less life … and obviously the fact that there was no “do your laundry” routine, Me the nerd still managed to catch one of those crappy trans-atlantic flights to head back to “Bush-land” (for those of u who came in this world not long ago … its now called “Obama-Land”) sometime in the middle of January. The flight didn’t have even a single remotely good looking air-hostess contrary to the perceived notion that all air-hostesses are pretty!!

Back in the USofA from home.. I thought.. “Man ... I was just waiting for this day!!” .. felt great !! And hence I was all excited to start working right away! I felt sad that I didn’t take any work with me and hence didn’t do anything during the long 1 month break.

The weather was very nice in the mid of January.. Warm and bright.. the beaches were full … and you could walk even without a shirt on !

The first few months in 2008 were un-eventful. April saw me visit the West coast.. SD and LA .. but could not make it to SFO or LV. The purpose was a conference and as you correctly guessed : I hardly had any time to see around LA and SD. But guess what.. I just loved attending all those talks and participated in every single discussion!

While I was working hard here, back home in India space scientists devised a way that would cut their workloads into half : dumping 10 satellites into the space in 1 go !! The world applauded.. and as Indians we thought … if that’s a record then we should have been in the record books long ago: for .. the maximum number of people travelling in a train compartment / bus / boat etc etc . It wasn’t a great achievement.. we do it everyday!!

The month was April and summer was approaching …and so was the “prelims” (that’s a PhD lingo.. for further details contact the writer). So finally it came.. and went .. I didn’t even feel a pinch ! Just wrote a few nonsense lines, on a crumpled sheet of paper and that was it .. prelim was over !!

Although every year the summer in India start from march onwards, but as you all know 2008 was different. The whole country was shivering … it was cold.. and everyone talked about climate change . But then sometime around July, some NGO run by some social activists, devised a way to generate a little bit of heat: 7 bombs all across Bangalore and Ahmadabad. No one died and we all clapped at this ingenious feat.. to bring in the summer ! In the mean time, child rights activists and news-wallas were doin overtime to cover the case of Arushi: The delhi kid who stood first in a Delhi school. The intense discussions in all the news channels that ranged from “child rights in rock music” to “Exams and school bus” were informative. Also MoonNews got an exclusive interview with arushi’s closest competitors’ maidservant … and again as you all know, that interview got the Academy Award for the Best emotional drama in 2008!! Sitting here and following those events unfold was fascinating!

While things were getting warmer back home, 1000s of miles away a bunch of Indian athletes were creating history! Never before I had followed athletics so fervently as I did during the Chinese Olympics! With the temperatures going beyond control (someone did a calculation mistake with those bombs), it was a gratifying feeling for all of us .. to see our country of 1.13 billion win 40 golds (7 in wrestling) and 75 silvers. Abhinav Bindra was given a special distinction (2 golds for 1 event) since his glasses were not working on the day of his event.

The Olympics did a lot of good to the world! Pictures of Yasser Arafat-George Bush-Hugo Chavez in shorts and playing Tug of war against Manmohan Singh-Asif Zardari-Osama Bin Laden, are still oven fresh in our minds!!! China was so happy with their performance that they signed a blank Rs1000 stamp paper and asked Dalai Lama to type in whatever he wants regarding Tibet! It was truely a historic Olympics. Even the US army was happy - thanks to Michael Phelps’s aquatic achievements, they now are using him to test their latest “water-boarding” techniques!! Am sure the world is going to be a safer place if they master it and apply on all the “bad guys” they capture!!

While I was recovering from the Olympics hangover (calculate 1 party for each gold we won!!), one fine morning my neighbor said his pay have been doubled overnight and so we shall have another party!!!! Apparently the company where he was working: Lehmann Brothers, were no longer brothers (thanks to Lehman A’s dog … who terrorized Lehman B’s rooster) and therefore he got a job from both of them after the split, and now will be paid twice the amount!!! Many days later I came to know this was actually happening worldwide! All big financial houses were having family feuds and hence breaking up .. and all the employees were earning double the amount !!! But there was a problem … everyone was soo rich that no one was happy. So, recently the World Rich Control Organization have passed an international Law according to which each earning person is supposed to use 10 units of their respective currency bills, as tissue papers, atleast once in 2 days. I hope this intelligent decision will help us overcome the “All rich” problem soon! Am sure U guys are aware of this excellent measure… and hence I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

At one point it seemed to me that even the Indian scientists were enjoying this worldwide excess of cash!! Otherwise why on earth shall you spend Rs. 386 crore (US$ 80 million) (Ref. The Times of India 2008-10-26) on a piece of metal, to take a few pictures of the Moon and analyse what Moon mud is made of !!???? … Specially in a country where every year approx. 100,000 people die of road accidents due to the lack of trauma care facilities, where 58,0000 people die of cancer every year and over a million suffer from aids (all data are referenced) !!!!! But I was happy that we have come of age .. we have understood that the answer to these problems may be found in heaven .. and hence this first step towards the moon !!! bravo !

That was the month of October. A long and “eventful” year was comin to an end. And just when I thought that I would increase my pace of work …. Someone very close to me .. decided to visit me. By now am sure you have understood that I the nerd strongly believe in “work is worship”. Naturally I didn’t want this friend of mine to come over and waste some more time. But alas ! there she came and for 2 weeks I missed my tiny little mice and the cute chemical boxes and the beastly microscope . Finally that ordeal was also over!!!!! With a sigh of relief, I went in for the slog overs in the month of December.

There is nothing much to write about December … because I don’t want to bore you guys with minor details of what I do. New Years Eve was great fun! Unlike one of those morons who get drunk at the middle of the night with a bunch of friends, I was sipping chocolate milk and watching “Gulliver’s Travels” . ………. What???? That sounds boring !!!??? You moron … can you tell me the name of all the places Gulliver's travel led beside the Lilliput ? (yes that’s actually the name of the country and not those tiny people). If u can’t answer me .. I will say go and watch / read it. But If u CAN … then … please scroll up and check the title of this blog …… before giving a verdict 

Note: As many of u may have noticed, the Bombay massacre didn’t find any mention in my yearbook …. The reason? : ... well, I write to feel good …